~ If I were you I'd take a pair of pliers and pull the nail out.

Doctor to be bro on our way back from the hospital.

The guy who sits opposite me, talking on the phone to someone who had obviously just returned to work after sickness/holiday:

"Ok, I'll arrange a meeting this afternoon. I'll give you time to get your feet... back together."

quote:

Originally posted by Kradlum:
The guy who sits opposite me, talking on the phone to someone who had obviously just returned to work after sickness/holiday:

"Ok, I'll arrange a meeting this afternoon. I'll give you time to get your feet... back together."

LOL
Some holiday that must have been.
Mixed metaphors are fun ... "feet back on the ground" oyu think?

Man: "It's the worst I've felt in ages. I'm off work till next week."

Woman: "Did I tell you I have a hole in my heart?"

-Car park, lunchtime

On the Tube. 2 teenage schoolkids get on. One of their mobile rings.

Her "Who is this?"
...
Her "wawa momo wowo blah blah (I couldn't actually understand a single word she said)... Can't she understand fucking english!"
She puts phone away.
Other school kid "Who was it?"
Her "A friend of the family"

Middle-aged man in restaurant today:
"And this is me as a one-year-old, playing the piano."
His lawyer:
"You have a photo of YOU as a baby in your mobile?"
M-a M:
"Well. yes. I take photos of photos. You know."

Overheard in the office.
"Well, he carries a Taurus in a Fobus, if that tells you anything."

"He does a what in a who?"

"That's right."

Heh. I understood that, though maybe not the implications as to brand(s).

in a sushi restaurant (located across the street from like four fast food places):
Little Kid: if this was A&W i'd have a burger.
few minutes later
Little Kid: i sure wish sushi was a drink...
(can't really say i agree with him...)

In my seedy little bar parking lot.

Commotion at the door brought the security and the manager out to the parking lot. On their way out the door they yelled for the girl bartending to call the police. (it should be noted that the bartender is a really nice girl but not the fastest dog on the track)

Outside a few minutes later,

Bartender- what happened?
Security- Two girls got mugged at knifepoint!
Manager- Did you call the police?
Bartender- No.
Manager- CALL THE FUCKING POLICE!
Bartender- I DON'T KNOW THE NUMBER!
Everybody- 911!!!!!

From the office of the VP of Sales, office door wide open, the other day:

"What? no, not here, meet me in the bar. Hey, bring me something for the pain. No no, the good drugs. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, knock me on my ass. None of that over the counter shit. What? No, we'll talk about the presentation there."

~ ...lemons and limes, or as you greeks call them, lemons and lemons that are not quite ripe yet.

Brit coworker.

A voice from a group of women passing me in a hallway:
"I'm singing a Michael Bolton song in church this week."

One evil piled upon another.

d00d...that's an offense akin to an act of war.
You straight oughtta've eaten that girl and sucked her brains out with a bendy straw, 'cause they're obviously fuggin' liquefied.

Three words overheard from a conversation a few feet away. The only three words I caught, spoken by a clean-cut, young Midwestern girl. Not sure what they were talking about. Didn't want to ask.

"...a vibrating butt-plug..."

Overheard on the bus a few days ago:

With all the blood drained from their bodies.


...apparently there's somebody killing small animals in my city, from what little I gathered from the conversation.

quote:

Originally posted by Boogerhead:
d00d...that's an offense akin to an act of war.
You straight oughtta've eaten that girl and sucked her brains out with a bendy straw, 'cause they're obviously fuggin' liquefied.

Who says I didn't?

on the radio one morning, discussing favourite words

woman - "someone has texted in to say their favourite word is fecundity"

nicki campbell - "i love that word, i was saying it to a traffic warden just the other day -'you can fecundity'"

woman - "what does it mean?"

weather man - "it means to have lots to be overflowing"

nicki campbell - "its like rabbits, you know that rabbits are always fecund"

woman - "ok, i think we've taken that quite far enough!"

7 year old: I can't believe I'll be 20 one day.
Me: It'll seem like forever until you are, and then it will seem like the next week you are my age.
7 year old: How old will you be when I am 20?
Me: 58
7 year old: If you live that long.
7 year old and 5-year-old brother: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha.

In a conversation about personalised number plates:

"Seeing Bi Gal on a number plate, speed up to check her out and it was BIG AL"

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