Jeez. Desperately trying to get some e-mailing done at the cafe, and there's a black yuppie walking around talking loudly on his cellphone. In and out the door, each time letting in a blast of cold air. So far --

"All I asked is what is happening, and I get this whole saga of negativity from you."

"Just tell me when you're done."

"I don't know what we're doing here. All I asked is what is happening."

"Why are we still dealing with you? Why don't we drop it?"

"I'll pick it up in ten minutes."

Jeez, I hope that means he's going to shut up now.

bet you wish you'd had one of these.

Yeah, I tried. They're illegal here. I had a meeting a little while back with the then technical head of the Independent Communications Authority of SA, a very serious chappie called Wojtek, and he told me these jammers were totally illegal here ... could be used eg by criminals to "excommunicate" a crime scene and prevent anyone calling for help. I was researching security in banks, because everyone uses cellphones in banks here, and people are regularly getting mugged after drawing cash. I thought every bank should be fitted with one of these devices. The only alternative is screening the banks with special cloth and paint to prevent any radiation getting in or out, but they won't do it.

I tried pointing out to the Banking Council that it's the easiest thing in the world to do it all invisibly ... you make the cellphone call, put the phone in your pocket, then go into the bank, and pretend to fill out forms, queue up, etc. If you see someone drawing lots of money, you wait until they are exiting the bank, then just tap your pocket a couple of times to alert your colleague outside that that person is carrying cash.

Ha. But I have one possible trick up my sleeve. I have a friend who imports small broadband radiation meters, which have quite a dramatic audio output. I've used these several times to measure people's houses. Going near our local TV tower, it's quite dramatic, you hear about 15 different TV and radio programmes coming through at once, real broadband. A cellphone call nearby makes a helluva strange noise. If I carry one around, and someone starts talking near me on a phone, I can always put it on, and look at them pointedly while the meter squawks.

Not entirely off topic. I can't believe how many people engage in loud cellphone conversations in public, really private stuff. They seem to think because they're talking to someone far away, that YOU (right there) can't hear them.

"Those are'nt questions he's asking; they're IEDs."
-- aside from a colleague while witnessing a biz presentation hostile 'Q&A'.

It's a new level of voluntary ignorance.
There are a couple of other methods to jamming cells, but they require remodelling and homemade electromagnets.

two girls are in jail. In a segregated pod with only female guards and prisoners. They have been there for a week at least.

Girl One- (opens cell door) hey there is a man in the pod!

Girl Two- Is he cute?

Girl One- Who cares! At least it is a man!

(both girls hustle out to take a look)

When we had combined lessons with the girls' school down the hill, we'd hear that same conversation seventeen times a week. And they weren't even boarders.

"I'm sure there was a period when we all did way too much ecstacy." - random 30 year old in a bar.

Two barmaids talking tonight ...

"So then the dude bit me, which I didn't appreciate..."

"He sent me an SMS saying he gave me permission to visit Pretoria. I mean, I have to ask his permission to go to Pretoria?"

"So I said strawberry, but I told him I don't appreciate being compared to a food group."

Lots of lack of appreciation there.

"I want to have twenty two kids, and the reason is, I don't want twenty three."
"OK, but that still leaves the question, why twenty two?"
"Well, I don't want twenty one either."
-Two random strangers on a bus.

My daughter's 5 year old friend : "Julia's dad, look what a nice drawing I made."
Me: "Oooooh, VERY nice. Is that a house?"
She: "Uh... no. It's a nice drawing."


My son and his friend playing Zoo Tycoon on the computer.
My daughters friend (same girl) takes a look at what they're doing.
She: "Oooh! Dolphins! I loooove dolphins!"
My son's friend: "Really. Well, we ALL love dolphins."

~ Hey! Let me tell you something. Not all fingers are the same.

One of three junkies sitting together at Navarinou square.

Bobby:unintelligible mumble.
Little Brother:Mommy! Bobby said the F-word.
Mommy:Godammit, Bobby! Where the fuck did you learn to talk like that?

What a grand species we are.

"I'm waiting for my body part, everything will run a lot smoother once my body parts come in...."

Jason - "Hey Jack how are you doing?"

Jack - "I've had sex with four women in two days."

Jason - "You might not want to start the conversation off like that when you call your mother."

Outside Mickey D's:

"...the double quarter-pounder meal."

"Also known as the WIDOWMAKER!"

quote:

Originally posted by Gringo:
My daughter's 5 year old friend : "Julia's dad, look what a nice drawing I made."
Me: "Oooooh, VERY nice. Is that a house?"
She: "Uh... no. It's a nice drawing."

Smart kid.

teen in shop:
i'm going to get me a stick, write ass fucker on it!

Office conversation, generated by the viewing of a picture of a transsexual:

"Yeah, I'd tap that if it was white."

"If it was white? You don't mean 'if it didn't have balls?'"

"Fuck no, balls don't bother me. You just get a piece of tape, secure those fuckers out of the way, bend it over and go to town. Even with balls, it's better lookin' than anything we're gettin' around here."

London Tonight, 4pm news report:
OB reporter (from Bedford Square) "And now the weather details"
Cuts to interviews with locals.
OB reporter's voice "I completely fucked that up"
Cuts back to OB reporter, who proceeds to do the weather.
End of news "We have to apologise for one of Robin's comments there".