"So why is it you've ended up just working with their people? You never want to work with any of our guys."

"Some of our guys are just impossible to work with."

"Like which ones?"

"The breathing ones."

Nervous guy: "So when he comes in, you aren't going to, uh, mention, like..."
Ballbusting gal: "that he hasn't had sex in two years (derisive snort)?"

--Hungerford bridge, London

So naturally you stuck around and when he showed up, you leaned over and said "They were just telling me about how you haven't had sex in more than two years. Tough break, kid."

... and the whole length of the bar goes silent, staring at him and nodding sympathetically.

I've met someone who DNIF'd himself for that reason.

What if someone hadn't read a book in over two years? Looked through a telescope at objects in the night sky? Given $200 cash to a homeless fella and just walked away?

But no, this poor bastard didn't hock his emotions and pride and fumble around making noises that a retarded person would find silly -- for over two years.

What a fucking clown!

At teh Sports Bar.

Dude #1: How can so many Vegatarian chicks be so fat?

Dude #2: Wadda you mean?

Dude #1: You'd think they would all look like supermodels--thin.

Dude #2: They must think ice cream is a vegetable.

LOL @ Aunt Jemima

saturday evening in supermarket, "medical" section. youth swaggers up, with his carry out of 4 cans of sugar-free redbull cradled in his elbow, stares at shelves, gives in
-"mate, where are the johnnies?"

i point to top shelf, he grunts, swaggers off.

Boy 1: You doing the cravat thing again?
Boy 2: Nah, we've got a maid now.
Boy 3: You've got a maid?
Boy 2: Yeah, she comes in twice a week.
Boy 3: Twice a week's enough for any man.

--trafalgar square, London

Brassy blonde older woman is holding court with three other older women, regarding absent fifth woman. Her final dismissive comment ends all discussion.

BBOW: She's on the turn.

Horror and disgust flit across the faces of the other three, who nod sagely and say nothing more. Out of fear, obviously.

-- Greenwich, London

quote:

Originally posted by BlueShift:
I've met someone who DNIF'd himself for that reason.

He was unable to get it up?

guy- I never had a desire to date a virgin

girl- I made that mistake once. He sucked, when I went down he popped almost immediately. I stayed with him for three whole days and he never managed more than 30 seconds in me. I told him he needed to get some more experience before I could date him.

two girls in class. they are both servers at Wing House.

girl 1- yeah so have to look for a new job.

girl 2- oh no! why?

girl 1- because wing house says I can't have my nose pierced if I am working there. Of course it is ok for my boobs and butt to hang out but my nose piercing they have a problem with.

"you know, you're like a cataku... you know... an otaku for cats".

Meru to me after snuggling the neighbours cat.

"The 'A' is for 'acronym.'"

"Listen, things like airplanes falling on their heads are the reason people buy insurance and believe in God."

"Two things always make me laugh: racoons, and Canadians. Stories about racoons and Canadians are really funny."

"One plus one is equaling three over there, and it's fucking with me."

Guy and a girl this morning in the diner, obviously post-coital

Guy - So I can't believe that my job had me going from bar to bar talking with people yesterday. I totally had an excuse to go talk to this cute girl who knew a bunch of my friends.

Girl- Yes you did, and you were in like Schwinn *grins*

I didn't have the heart to correct her metaphor.