"Bicyclists parasitize off the car culture."

"We were discussing pencils and transvestites and your name happened to come up."

"I think you all more or less mean well, but you have no idea what you're doing a lot of the time."

"Who cares what you think?"

"Your boss's boss's boss cared when I told him."

Girl 1 - I never have sex. I have to take care of myself.

Girl 2 - So is your boyfriend still popping too many pills to fuck you?

Girl 1 - No he is mostly off those but he is in his senior year before becoming an Electrical Engineer so he is always studying...

Girl 2 - Uh huh.

Girl 1 - ...and the other guy I fuck when he can't get it up moved out of town.

Girl 2 - Oh.

Yeah, all the women know that Engineers and Accountants are weak dicks.

girl on why girls always attack the penis - Because it is the only thing that every man really takes pride in. Every guy has found value in his penis since he was three years old and whipped out his winky doo on the playground and peed on Susie Q's shoes and realized that "I am awesome because I have THIS!"

At the Sports Bar:

"Fuck. Its too early to go ugly."

While passing through the lift (elevator) lobby on the 24th floor, "You might lose me. I'm in a lift shaft"

(he was on the phone, and fortunately there was a lift there too)

He is a braver man than I am. I would be screaming like a little girl should I be in the shaft.

Also on elevator:

'What's the extension number of Mute Girl?'
'Ah, it's XXXX I think'
'Does she answer it?'

Interview with the biggest government owned property company about letting artists reside temporarily in unused buildings before they are sold:

Press rep: And then there were those baracks in Bruckneudorf where we finally carried the guy out by his feet.

Me: Why?

Press rep: Because he was an idiot?

Me: Cool, can I have an official statement on that?

Press rep: All right. Everything I say now is on the record: And then there were those baracks in Bruckneudorf where we finally carried the guy out by his feet because the asshole wouldn't leave.


I love this guy.

And one by my overworked friend Bea:

"Have you read War and Peace by Tolkien?"

Yeah I thought he did the screenplay

Four little girls playing in a square. There's only one talking:
"I'll be the dead one, you'll be the devil and both of you will be paint buckets".

quote:

Originally posted by Limulus:
Four little girls playing in a square. There's only one talking:
"I'll be the dead one, you'll be the devil and both of you will be paint buckets".

I remember playing that game! I was always a bucket though, never got to be the dead one.

Daun in class- I would steal chocolate from God if I thought I would get away with it.

Girl- You are NOT getting a motorcycle.

Guy- Why?

Girl- I saw a horrible motorcycle accident today where the biker died.

Guy- Was he not wearing a helmet?

Girl- He was, it protected his head just fine. Unfortunatly it was no longer attached to his shoulders.

boyfriend- so you know that girl over there?

girlfriend- yes.

boyfriend- I got her myspace bulletin that she is selling panties to pay her bills. $75 new and $95 worn...

girlfriend- Doesn't she also have separate myspace pages for her dogs?........ and you still want us to have sex with this chick?

boyfriend- well I don't want to
DATE her.

"Copy your last transmission. Recommend you hold position and quit bitching."