(probably really a News and Issues post, but meh)

Someone sent me this:

Subject: Think About This


The OPEC minister may look you in the eye and say,
'We are at war with you infidels and have been since
the embargo in the 1970s. You are so arrogant you
haven't even recognized it. You have more missiles,
bombs, and technology; so we are fighting with the
best weapon we have and extracting on a net basis
about $700 billion/year out of your economy. We will
destroy you! Death to the infidels!

While I am here I would like to thank you for the
following : Not developing your 250-300 year supply
of oil shale and tar sands. we know if you did this,
it would create thousands of jobs for U.S. citizens,
expand your engineering capabilities, and keep the
wealth in the U.S. instead of sending it to us to
finance our war against you infidels.

Thanks for limiting defense dept. purchases of
oil sands from your neighbors to the north. We love
it when you confuse your allies.

Thanks for over regulating every segment of your
economy and thus delaying, by decades, the
development of alternate fuel technologies.

Thanks for limiting drilling off your coasts, in
Alaska , and anywhere there is an insect, bird, fish,
or plant that might be inconvenienced. Better that
your people suffer. Glad to see our lobbying efforts
have been so effective with at least one or your
parties.

Corn based Ethanol. Praise Allah for this sham
program! Perhaps you will destroy yourself from the
inside with theses types of policies. This is a
gift from Allah, praise his name! We never would
have thought of this one! This is better than when
you pay your farmers NOT TO GROW FOOD. Have
them use more energy to create less energy, and
simultaneously drive up food prices. Thank you
U.S. Congress!

And finally, we appreciate you letting us fleece
you without end. You will be glad to know we have
been accumulating shares in your banks, real estate,
and publicly held companies. We also finance a good
portion of your debt and now manipulate your
markets, currency, and economies for our benefit.

THANK YOU AMERICA !'

It rankled me slightly, so I had a bash at a more lefty-liberal (aka 'reality-based') rewrite:

The OPEC minister may look you in the eye and say, "I absolutely love owning 27 racehorses and a couple of private jets. My personal yacht is larger than some of your warships, and has a solid gold bathroom. We love building cities of the future in the desert and creating whole new island chains with luxury resorts on them. When the oil runs out, we'll have positioned ourselves with innovation and tourism to keep doing fine. I enjoy my fleet of Rolls Royces and having to decide whether to wear the Rolex or the Patek Philippe this morning.

While I am here I would like to thank you for the following: Fighting hard to avoid making your vehicles more fuel efficient. Maybe you could have taken the hint in the 1970s, but instead you kept making them bigger and bigger, and introduced loopholes in the laws for trucks that allowed - and even encouraged - passenger vehicles to become heavier and less fuel efficient. Frankly, if you'd decided to put in an effort on this like you did on the space program after Sputnik - an effort that put a man on the moon in 15 years - you'd be selling *us* oil by now... except no-one would need oil because we'd have endless cheap fusion power and a hydrogen economy... or something better.

If you'd done that you wouldn't now be looking down the barrel of having to dig up the Rockies for shale and foul the beaches of California with crude oil, spoil the view with drilling rigs and destroy the Arctic ecosystem: all those things you value would be safe.

Thanks for throwing trillions of your treasure at toppling Saddam - who was an embarrassment to us - rather than putting it the research that would have allowed you to become independent from us. Thanks too for threatening Iran - the unrest that promotes in world oil markets just pumps the price up. $143 oil is beyond our wildest dreams - thank you.

Thanks for declining to pour adequate funding into education and research, while subsidising your massively inefficient oil companies, thus delaying, by decades, the development of alternate fuel technologies. If you'd got there you'd be an even more massive world economic superpower, because you'd own the technologies of the 21st century. We'd be out of business - so thank you so much.

Corn-based ethanol. Thank you for this sham program! Perhaps you will destroy yourself from the inside with theses types of policies. This is better than when you pay your farmers NOT TO GROW FOOD. Have them use more energy to create less energy, and simultaneously drive up food prices. Thank you U.S. Congress!

And finally, we appreciate you letting us fleece you without end. You will be glad to know we have been accumulating shares in your banks, real estate, and publicly held companies. We also finance a good portion of your debt and now manipulate your markets, currency, and economies for our benefit.

THANK YOU AMERICA !"

I like yours a hell of a lot better. The other one was pretty much, "You're teh stoopid for not letting rich people gut you like an antelope."

See, and here I was thinking we were talking about astroglide.

Slippery slope and all that....

And might I add:

I love America, her secret's safe with me
And I know her wicked ways
The parts you never see

Oh super-girl, you'll be my super-model
Although you have a reputation
Can I afford to move above my station
I'm not the only heart you've conquered

And I love America, but boy can she be cruel
And I know how tall she is
Without her platform shoes

Oh super-girl, you'll be my super-model
Although at times it might seem awkward
Don't run away, oh don't you recognize me
I'm not the only heart you've conquered

And I kissed America, when she was fleecing me
She knows I understand that she needs to be free
And I miss America and sometimes she does too
And sometimes I think of her
When she is fucking you

I love America
Yo siempre he confiado en ti
I love America
Por que me tratas asi?

Oh super-girl, you'll be my super-model
Although your pants are round your ankles
And when you're down, I'll be your Dirty Harry
It will be just like in the movies

Oh super-girl, you'll be my super-model
Although at times it might seem awkward
Don't look away, I'll be your teenage fanclub
I'm not the only heart you've conquered

I love David Byrne.

One more reason we lubelove the primate

We See Things Differently

"This was the jahiliyah -- the land of ignorance. This was America. The Great Satan, the Arsenal of Imperialism, the Bankroller of Zionism, the Bastion of Neo-Colonialism. The home of Hollywood and blonde sluts in black nylon. The land of rocket-equipped F-15s that slashed across God's sky, in godless pride. The land of nuclear-powered global navies, with cannon that fired shells as large as cars".

Here's the thing: Both the Infedls and the faithful have the same problem: neither is coping well with the way history is making them obsolete.

Perhaps, if they each had Hegelian therapy (which, sadly, does not exist) they might be able to better cope with the rather quaint notions of national/religious identity that they are going to have to leave behind.

Both enemies are far too monolithic to come out of the 21st century without a thorough process of fragmentation.

Rampant ideology is just another way of obscuring your fear of death.

Silly nations, imperialism and fatwas are for kids!

The original version sounds like it was written by an american oil lobbyist. Bravi (that is the genitive of Bravus I assume) version seems like one written by an informed, rational human being.

That first one seems to be part of a developing form of crank email; there's another one, sarcastically "from" Barack Obama, that follows a similar formula, down to the "thank you for...".

There is a small, green djellaba wearing fellow in the Middle-East screaming: "They want me lucky charms!"

And he's right, we do.

It saddens me that I have not the Photoshopping skills to make my Arabic leprechaun.

I think the effect of these sort of email things are diminishing. Tough to find anyone these days not sophisticated in the internets enough to where they *like* stuff being forwarded to them.

It's not like it changes anyone's mind.

I contributed a lot (financially) to Obama's campaign and other members of my family are actively involved. Do I even read emails from Obama's organization? No. Haven't read a single one since January.

They're on auto-delete, just like the "OBama is teh MUSLUM!" emails.

Just read this one. Krad's right, obviously written by someone in the oil lobby or the Fundie-Christian lobby -- same lobby, by the way. They always take it too far and the damned thing ends up being a parody of itself. The writer assumes himself or herself superior and his or her readers stupid.

Did Thomas Friedman write that first part Bravus? It sounds exactly like the kind of drek that made me swear off his NYT Op\Eds.

quote:

Originally posted by Justy:
That first one seems to be part of a developing form of crank email; there's another one, sarcastically "from" Barack Obama, that follows a similar formula, down to the "thank you for...".

I've actually seen this..."technique" on the NYT Op\Eds a LOT, Safire, Friedman, Brooks, Dowd, almost all of them do it.

And it makes my blood pressure rise and that little vein in the forehead twitch every single time.

So, I dunno if it's "crank email" or just uncredited Op\Ed rips.

quote:

Originally posted by Kradlum:
The original version sounds like it was written by an american oil lobbyist. Bravi (that is the genitive of Bravus I assume) version seems like one written by an informed, rational human being.

Informed, rational humans? We don't get a lot of those in these parts. Mostly we rely on scaremongering and what religious leaders tell us to think. I mean, I'm from an area where my congressman actively spoke against having Muslims allowed to serve in the government at all. Enlightened lot, eh.

Oil shale. Tar sands. Even with $144/bbl. oil, it will have to double for extraction of oil from oil shale to break even. Some of the better oil shale areas are on federal land, but three of the very best of the best are not. They're on private land. Why not purchase these mineral rights at a fair price and extract the oil? Because they want the federal leases GIVEN to them. Even if they were given these leases, they would sit on them because it still costs too much to extract the oil.

They're whining to whine. They're wanting to win an election.

Tar sands? What the fuck is he talking about? Oil sands? We have very little of that. Alberta Canada has lots. Lots and lots. They're destroying Alberta to get it, too. The US market buys loads of Syncrude out of Alberta. I know of no restrictions.

Canadians should restrict this. I've never seen or heard of wholescale environmental destruction like that which is going on in Alberta right now. It's mind-boggling. But that's Canada's business.