quote:

Originally posted by dawntreader:
I did downlaod that and when I tried to use it , well it took so long to do anything I gave up in a fit of impatience.

Weird! Firefox has always been pretty quick for me. Maybe try again after adventures in F8?

quote:

Originally posted by heavyboots:

quote:

Originally posted by dawntreader:
I did downlaod that and when I tried to use it , well it took so long to do anything I gave up in a fit of impatience.

Weird! Firefox has always been pretty quick for me. Maybe try again after adventures in F8?

yes, I did that and everything is working now. Thanks for the info. I really appreciate all of the help.

I think I'm going through my first live-in breakup. It's the most fuckawful, awkward and sad thing I've ever experienced. I really love this girl, and I even told her that she can see other people while I'm away this summer. (She's young and has never had many short-term relationships.) One thing however that I require, is complete honesty. Her response? Planning things behind my back, putting personal ads up, and flirting with coworkers. Now maybe I'm being irrational, but that pissed me right the fuck off. So now she's gone for a week and we both get to stew over the argument we had before she left. I guess it's my fault, I should know better than to snoop on someone if I want them to be honest with me. How else would I have known though? Oh well. Advice anyone? I'm sure a lot of you have gone through similar things and I'm only finding out how much it sucks.

I've never understood exactly what defines a "short-term" relationship. Isn't the point, after all, upon getting into a relationship, to have it last as long as it takes to run it's course?

But who am I to ponder?

quote:

Originally posted by Oniichan:
I've never understood exactly what defines a "short-term" relationship. Isn't the point, after all, upon getting into a relationship, to have it last as long as it takes to run it's course?

Sometimes the course is only 24 hours long.

quote:

Originally posted by Oniichan:
I've never understood exactly what defines a "short-term" relationship. Isn't the point, after all, upon getting into a relationship, to have it last as long as it takes to run it's course?

But who am I to ponder?

Serial monogamy does have a few advantages.

quote:

Originally posted by Val:
Advice anyone? I'm sure a lot of you have gone through similar things and I'm only finding out how much it sucks.

Thinks...

Nope. No advice. I suck at relationships. Just ask my wife.

I'm old and never had many short-term relationships either!

quote:

Originally posted by Val:
I really love this girl, and I even told her that she can see other people while I'm away this summer.

BIG MISTAKE!!!!! You really screwed that up, Val.

Nothing tells a gal that you love her like telling her that it's OK that other guys fuck her while you're away!

Seriously, Val, what were you thinking? It's clear that you don't really want her to see other guys while you're away, so why would you tell her that it's OK? She chose to live with you and then you tell her that the moment that you're away for a couple of months that she should play the field. Very bad strategy. I'm guessing it makes her feel that you're not all that serious about her.

Start telling her how you really feel about things rather than what you think that she wants to hear.

I can totally understand that you are willing to give her space because she's young, hasn't had that many relationships, and you don't want her to regret getting hitched to soon. It had been better to tell her that although you don't want her to see anyone else while you're away, that you'd understand it if she did (if that's what you really feel)

If you want to get in a really bad mood, go rent Lars von Trier's, "Breaking the Waves".

If you want to try to rectify the situation tell her how you really feel about things.

Took the patio furniture out of the shed. Moved a bunch of furniture and other junk out of the guest room with my husband so that the carpenter can reestablish two bedrooms by erecting a wall.

After that my back was a bit sore, so I decided to soak in a nice hot bath. When I was drying myself afterwards, I saw a fekkin' huge spider crawling on the back of my neck. I couldn't even feel the damned thing.

I started prancing like a mad woman, screaming and swatting at my neck with the towel before I ran out of the bathroom. I was a little in doubt if I had mistaken a shadow or something, but then saw the bugger on the floor, about 2cm in diameter including the legs.

Husband came to the rescue and killed the sucker.

If 2cm is "fekkin' huge" to you, your husband is going to get a superiority complex.

quote:

Originally posted by Val:
Advice anyone? I'm sure a lot of you have gone through similar things and I'm only finding out how much it sucks.

The main thing I have found is this:
ASK for what you want. Don't make someone else guess what's in your mind because it's impossible. They will guess wrong and you'll be miserable - how could they not know? etc. It's unfair and illogical to put the responsibility for your happiness in someone else's hands. Tell her exactly how you feel and then she can respond based on your actual situation rather than some fantasy.

Then you can go to IKEA and have hotdogs.

and go home with a 'togetherness' project!

('cause you've got to put anything you buy in Ikea together)

quote:

Originally posted by Bravus:
We'll probably buy a car first, and then I'll likely salary package a fairly new bike, but likely a 250 or 400... something unthirsty and not too fearsomely powerful. Is yours a 600?

It's a 750, an inline four cylinder.

I took it out for a getting-to-know-you exercise today, and 400km later I think we're pretty well bonded...

So, where exactly do you pour the rice in?

quote:

Originally posted by Fashionpolice:
Nothing tells a gal that you love her like telling her that it's OK that other guys fuck her while you're away!

Fucking would be out of the question.

quote:

Seriously, Val, what were you thinking? It's clear that you don't really want her to see other guys while you're away, so why would you tell her that it's OK? She chose to live with you and then you tell her that the moment that you're away for a couple of months that she should play the field. Very bad strategy. I'm guessing it makes her feel that you're not all that serious about her.

Start telling her how you really feel about things rather than what you think that she wants to hear.

I can totally understand that you are willing to give her space because she's young, hasn't had that many relationships, and you don't want her to regret getting hitched to soon. It had been better to tell her that although you don't want her to see anyone else while you're away, that you'd understand it if she did (if that's what you really feel)
If you want to try to rectify the situation tell her how you really feel about things.

Thanks for the advice FP, I think it helps.
My problem is, I want to keep this girl, and she's waffling because of the doubts in HER head. I would like us to continue this relationship without her wondering 'what if'.
So if seeing other people solves that problem,then shouldn't that be the answer? I know that 'what if' might turn into 'what is', and you're right, I don't actually want her to see other people that much, but I don't want to say that I wasn't mature and open-minded as possible I guess. Gah, maybe coldly logical isn't working for me.

Val it does not really sound like you are being coldly logical at all. Rather, it seems to me that you are either grasping at straws or bending over backwards to make the relationship work. Neither of those situations is comfortable in the long run. In most relationships there is a alpha and a beta. Apparently you are the beta in this one. To me it seems you are not quite happy with that. Move on. One day you will look back and shake your head in wonder.

DT's right. Break quickly and cleanly and move on.

I'm in agreement with DT as well... you should never have to bend over backward to make a relationship work. If you are, then perhaps something is intrinsically not quite fitting together in said relationship. One person putting forth far more effort than the other to stay together is not fair either.

Where abouts in Wales do you live Bic? That beach looks really familiar.

val: doesn't sound like it's worked out. i must say i was surprised when you mentioned sex was out of the question when 'seeing other people'. this may sound base, but what exactly did you expect she would be doing with the people she saw? i assume she has friends to talk to etc.

when i was 19-20 i was with a boy who loved me desperately and insisted our relationship be open. he felt this would mean that i'd never leave. thing was, though, being in the security of a relationship made flirting with and hanging out with other guys so much easier. easier to cross the line, too, because there was none of that 'will you still love me tomorrow' holding me back. when i spent the weekend with another guy, i told my boy as soon as i surfaced and he couldn't even remotely handle it. neither could i. i'd shifted my gaze to someone new and couldn't go back to the wailing victim my boy had become.

i don't think many of us can overcome our conditioning and be a caring and involved partner yet still play the field. there'll always be exceptions, but i haven't come across many.