Gromit!

Chances are I'll be in Melbourne on the 28th to 31st of August, and I owe believe I owe you lunch.*

Also, a coupla questions.

St. Kilda - worth staying in?

Things to do, besides getting a 9mm slug lodged in my stomach?

How hard is it to get around? Is it worth hiring a car?

Seriously, what are my odds of getting shot?

_{*Though I'm fully aware of who's getting the better deal here.}

I'm from Adelaide, went to Melb last year.. came back alive.. What are the odds huh?

Yeah, but Croweaters ain't worth the bullet.

I'm not sure Melbournistan is quite ready for the full lithos experience...

Okay, St Kilda is probably as good a place to stay as any.

Good points:

It's not all that far from the centre of the city, and you can get there pretty quickly on the light rail (glorified tram).

There are lots of places to eat, many of which won't cost an arm and a leg. There's lots of street life. There's the beach, the bay and the pier, if you like winter bleak or feel like a spot of scuba diving (hah!). There are hippies, junkies, tourists, buskers and sex workers, all of whom you may find amusing or entertaining.

There's Scheherezade in Acland Street, which is an institution worth visiting if you appreciate really goddamn marvellous Middle European Jewish home cooking (think cabbage rolls you could use to wheel-chock an Airbus).

There's a Sunday market on the Upper Esplanade, if you're really intent on playing the tourist. Or picking their pockets.

Bad points:

There's lots of street life. There are hippies, junkies, tourists, buskers and sex workers, all of whom are likely to really piss you off at some stage. And there are places in St Kilda I wouldn't go walking by myself late at night.

As far as hiring a car is concerned, you'd only need one if you wanted to get out of the city or visit friends living in far-flung suburbs. Otherwise a car's going to be a liability. If you're doing inner-city things, take the tram or the train. (Make sure you buy a ticket, because the ticket inspectors employed by Connex are not kind and gentle folk who live only to serve.)

Things to do - really it all depends on your interests and inclinations, good sir. I can direct you to art, theatre, interesting architecture, decent food, great bookshops - in short, all the benefits of civilisation that can't be found north of the Murray. Just let me know what you have in mind.

Also I should warn you Lithos.. Don't feed the Emos. (not to be mistaken with Emus )