Osama bin Laden was captured on September 14, 2001. He was processed through the witness protection program and he is currently working as a host at the sushi bar down the street from my condo. He claims he is a woman named "Mishiko". Just before the ballots are printed, he will be pulled out of hiding and... ANNOUNCED AS BUSH'S NEW RUNNING MATE!

Meanwhile, Ayman Al-Zawahiri has been made the head of a secret research lab funded by The Shadow Government and The Tripartite Commission. He's genetically engineering a virus that will cause all babies born in America to sport a Taliban-like beard from birth. This will be blamed on Mongolian terrorists, and we will then invade Mongolia to steal all their yurts.

There's more to the conspiracy, but the stuff I'm leaving out is so crazy-sounding that you just wouldn't believe me.

Politics is a big whore. -Romanian proverb

The Moon landings never happened. In fact, all exploration of the Moon has been fabricated with the complicity of the Russian government and others. This was done to hide the fact from the public that the Moon is ACTUALLY a GIANT ALIEN BATTLE STATION just waiting to VAPORIZE our ASSES and the government can't do a DAMN THING about it!

________
You have to give up.

quote:

---

Originally posted by colin:
the Moon is ACTUALLY a GIANT ALIEN BATTLE STATION just waiting to VAPORIZE our ASSES and the government can't do a DAMN THING about it!

---

Awww man, I knew that shit was true. Where's the tinfoil?!

Politics is a big whore. -Romanian proverb

The attack on the Pentagon was actually the work of 33rd degree Freemasons who wanted to break the sacred seal of the Pentagon in order to free Yog-Sothoth from magical boundaries.

they have the internet on computers now?

The Catholic Church have altered the gospels in order to cover up the secret truth about Jesus's evil twin - Bob - who went round giving people leprosy, and turning wine into water.

Hollwyood is controlled by a secret cabal of Cathari heretics, who discovered the secret of persistance of vision back in the 11th Century, when their allies the Knights Templars, bought back the relevant papers from the Temple of Solomon.
All Hollywood cinema contains hidden Gnostic propaganda, designed to defeat the Cathari's hatred enemy - the Church - and spread the Gnostic message that reality is an illusion created by a mad God.

Democracy is a total sham, and in fact the entire world is controlled by a small group of extremely wealthy individuals.
Oh, wait a minute, that last one is true.

they have the internet on computers now?

Everything in the Da Vinci Code is wrong, but that's because Jesus was actually a woman, and that's why they crucified her.

And it gets worse. Brittany Spears is the Second Coming.

Bellham
~Arguing principle from convenience is no principle at all.~

quote:

---

Originally posted by JohnBellham:
Everything in the Da Vinci Code is wrong, but that's because Jesus was actually a woman, and that's why they crucified her.

And it gets worse. Brittany Spears is the Second Coming.

Bellham
_~Arguing principle from convenience is no principle at all.~_

---

belive or not, I have actually read a conspiracy book arguing that the above was true - (well, apart from Britney), and the Church has the skull of the female Christ (resurrection was a myth), which they stole from the Templars, etc, etc.
Can't remember the name though. One of the many Holy Blood, Holy Grail rip-offs

they have the internet on computers now?

Changes during the last century in men's fashion towards tighter fitting trousers and underwear were orchestrated as part of the efforts of the Conspiritus Calamarius to lower sperm counts and thereby decrease fertility, in order that the human population could be reduced to make room for alien slave-clones presently being cocooned in giant hives guarded by Mongolian horsemen in the Yucatan peninsula. The apparently related fluoridation conspiracy theory is, in fact, a clever misdirection, cooked up between emissaries of the Reptilian Agenda and an Area 51 supercomputer over drinks at Bohemian Grove. Sixties rock musicians were conscripted into this plan; over time, those who balked at wearing tighter clothing were eliminated - Holly, Hendrix, Morrison and all the Beatles except Paul, although Paul had all his talent sucked out by a brain-parasite from Reticulan B as a warning to others.

The government know.

____________________
Nga saymong chig gö.

"belive or not, I have actually read a conspiracy book arguing that the above was true - (well, apart from Britney)"

Somehow, I believe you.

Just goes to show how hard it is to come up with a truly original conspiracy theory.

"The apparently related fluoridation conspiracy theory"

This one really confuses me, when I was a kid it was the John Bircher types pronouncing the evils of fluoridation as a left-wing plot, now it's left-leaning environmentalists saying fluoridation is a big business conspiracy? I may not be prepared to give up my Crest toothpaste just yet, but I'd really prefer knowing just which evil shadowy figures I'm the unwitting pawn of....

Bellham
~Arguing principle from convenience is no principle at all.~

We're talking serious business here! Let me paint you a picture:


They're gonna vaporize our asses, man!

________
You have to give up.

Google was invented by the NSA as a delibrate extension of ECHELON to record net searches

they have the internet on computers now?

The truth will set you up with the managing director's dowdy niece.

____________________
Nga saymong chig gö.

when we are talking about conspiracies, I was shocked about how badly written 'The DeVinci Code' actually was.
It was like somebody retrofitting a bad 50's B-Movie thriller with the text of the Holy Blood, Holy Grail.
True, I read it all, but was just shocked about how poor it was - especially in comparision with some great conspiracy theory novels like Flicker - which I used for that Hollywood Gnostic thing.
Still, seeing such a crappy book getting to number one , gives me hope that my own genre efforts can do much better.

they have the internet on computers now?

Where does Haggis come from?

Haggis are small mammals that live in the hills of Scotland. The males left legs are shorter than their right legs, thus enabling them to walk anti-clockwise round the hills & mountains.

The females right legs are shorter than their left legs, thus enabling them to walk clockwise round the hills & mountains.

In order to pro-create, the males have to change direction and quickly mount the females. Once spent, they find themselves facing the wrong way and end up rolling down the hill.

Haggis farmers then come and gather the prone and spent Haggis, breaK their necks and take them off to the abatoir for processing.

all cats are from Tau Ceti.

they have the internet on computers now?

Yes, but are the Tau Ceti cats invaders, or did all the Tau Ceti primates deport them? Hmmm?

Bellham
~Arguing principle from convenience is no principle at all.~

Look, the Work is not part of any conspiracy. The Animal Modification Protocols were funded by legitimate organizations. It’s just that these organizations aren’t particularly well known to the general public. OK, not to many government agencies either, but that’s just a financial routing issue.

All you lefty sissies, the squeamish among you will thank us when the ants do change. And change they will, believe me. Maybe not next year or in 10, but they will.

Digitalprimate Toys and Games (Panama) Corp. would like emphasize that the above statements in no way reflect the views of Digitalprimate Toys and Games (Panama) Corp.

Many Thanks,
Jane F. Maidenhead
Spokesperson, Digitalprimate Toys and Games (Panama) Corp.


This post brought to you by Maytag - A Whole New Way to do Laundry.

after weakening out immune systems with centuries of "anti-bacterial" soap/surface cleaners/detergents/&food, the pharmceutical companies will begin selling it beck to us as a series of "treatments". the poor who cannot afford these, will be left immunodefecient.
they probably already have the drug names patented.
(Insert witticism here)

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